For years living with the stigma of being a soap opera fan has had a negative feel attached to it. Immediately the moment a person says that they are in fact a daytime entertainment enthusiast to a non-soap fan they are presented with the immediate stereotype of being an overweight, bored housewife with nothing better to do in terms of time management aside from losing themselves in the lives of fictional characters. It's a horrible, hurtful impression that has been tossed upon soap opera fans through the years, but it's one that I find to be quite far from the truth. As a soap opera fan who is college educated and very well adjusted with her own life, I find those types of criticisms not only unnecessary and hurtful, but so completely wrong from what really is. It's within those limitations of the stereotypes that soap opera fans have felt compelled to hide their soap viewership through the years. I've been guilty of not leaping up to talk about my favorite daytime serial and yes, I've heard those spout off stories about what they believe soap opera fans to be, but I've learned through the years that simply is not the case. Through many years of inaccurate decriptions of what a typical soap opera fan might be there have been a great many hurtful words thrown out there, but none that offered up the sharp, bitter sting as deep as the ones that soap fans hurl upon one another. It's within those limitations that I've seen the cruel, the ugly, the vindictive and all of the backstabbing betrayals that one would expect to grace our television screens, not the connections with one another.
It's no secret that the world of daytime dramas is a dying genre. It's no where near the world it was back when my grandmother would sit down to watch her 'shows'. The technological advances through the years have brought upon a world where we've been able to share our viewership not only with our close friends in our neighborhood, but around the world to find those with common interests. It's brought along friendships, hours of great conversations, but it's also carried with it a brewing animosity and intolerance for those who might not agree with a certain viewpoint. In today's world of daytime with the shrinking ratings and budgets combined with the lack of willingness in part of the network executives to keep the soap opera traditions alive, we as a whole in the fandom should be supporting one another, working towards showing why our shows are worth breathing life another day, but instead this hope and support for shows is clouded by a bitter rivalry that extends far beyond the stories and the characters and into the lives of bright, beautiful, otherwise intelligent viewers who would normally be welcoming to others who shared their interests. Instead we are met at times by those who refuse to look beyond their own door and interests to realize that the world is full of infinite possibilities. Given that the internet has opened us up to the entire world, it is well within reason to assume that with these new, exciting doors that have been opened to us that we would also come across those with a very different approach to life and thoughts in general. Does that make their belief system or values any less important? Certainly not, but along with these new levels of communication we also have to branch ourselves out to the acceptance that there is more then our own perceptions of the world around us.
As it stands I've been a soap viewer for years. Back when my grandmother was watching soap operas I was sitting on the floor, undoubtedly playing with Barbie dolls and catching little pieces here and there of something that I wasn't necessarily sure of, yet it was something that had caught my enough for me to form opinions on these characters that were on my television screen each day. Back when I was quite young my next door neighbor and I were already commenting on the state of romances and divided by the couples we might've preferred onscreen. This may date me, but back when ABC's One Life To Live had the characters of Max and Megan together with a Gabrielle triangle going on my friend and I were both fans of the show, but of opposite pairings. At the times our difference of opinion was usually resolved by the time we played Barbie dolls later in the family room and we gave way to our own characters brought to life. Those disagreements didn't spurn bitter debates, hurtful arguments or worse bring out the nasty side in each other. We simply liked what we liked and accepted that the world was filled with different choices and opinions. In our youth we saw something that was simple and accepted it. It was what it was and we were free to enjoy what we wanted.
As adults, however, I think we lose a sense of that innocence and that openness for tolerance in the world around us. Whether it's a political issue, a sporting event or even discussion of a reality show, there are positions to be taken, opinions to be formed and a great many times people are felt that they must be defensive of their stance for it will be challenged from all angles. This same type of rivalry is very much alive in the soap opera community. I've seen it a great many times over through a variety of shows and each time it takes away from my belief in the genre little by little. I remember the day when I turned on the television and found myself eager to see what was next. There was a time when I would watch a show and enjoy everything that was played out before me (even the pairings), but those days seem far and few and with it perhaps it's spread an unhappiness within the fans. That unhappiness translates into something far deeper on the internet and what's left is a picture that I found myself less then eager to be a part of. There was a day when people could talk about what they liked, about what they didn't and although others might view things differently they would embrace those opinions, offer up their own and have a fun, insightful conversation. Although there are still those circles that still remain (if you look hard enough) everything now seems to be reduced to fan wars. If you don't like Jimmy with Suzie, but rather Jimmy with Sally then you can forget about being friends with this person or being accepted by that group. Opposing views are intolerable and rather then embracing one another as fans of a particular show at a time when fan unity is essential to the future of the genre we are divided by the ugliness that extends well beyond the limitations of the show itself. We see people bash real people for liking one thing over another. We are met with hateful comments because our view is simply not one that 'should exist'. It's an endless cycle and regardless of what fan base you are a part of, no matter what show you watch, this seems to be an ever present situation to have to face. People get angry, nasty and mean with one another. That's truly the part about being a soap opera fan that I'm the most embarrassed about. It's those behaviors that feed into the negative image that the mainstream media offers up to the soap community. It's those actions that makes us look like all the awful things that we're perceived to be. It's that behavior that lowers our credibility and that behavior that truly makes the soap fan genre as a whole look less then savory.
For months now I've slipped back into the shadows, merely lurking and observing others thoughts an opinions. Out of respect to those whom I've respected I've kept quiet, reserving my own likes and perceptions out of a politeness that has been perhaps instilled in me at a young age. I've learned that if you are going to say something that others might not like, then it may be best not to say it at all. In some ways I think it's kept me drama free, but in others I've felt stifled by the inability to express my likes, my joys and enjoyments with the world around me. It's not that I put the finger on one person in particular, but I know that should I say I enjoy something that someone else simply abhors I will have to spend hours defending myself, my position and then I will be made to feel as if I'm in the wrong for caring about something that someone else doesn't. Should I complement another person on their views and say that I can see their point then I am accepted, but to state my own only makes me an open target. It shouldn't ever be like that. We live in a society where all different opinions are embraced and accepted so why should mine mean any less then anyone else's? To hear someone say that my viewpoint simply does not exist because it isn't theirs is hurtful. It's cruel and unwarranted especially when I've gone out of my way to be kind to someone of an opposing viewpoint. Anyone whom has taken the time to speak with me will know that I stand true to my hate for fan wars and that I am one of the first people to readily embrace a person without prejudice into my life. I will take the time to listen, to hear what you have to say and try to be the best friend I can be, but when it feels as if that isn't reciprocated and I'm lead to silence myself because it's expected, I must confess it makes me rather sad.
As a soap fan I've enjoyed a variety of shows, some that are still on the air, some that have been gone for quite some time. In each circle I've found people who are welcoming and kind and people who are cruel and hateful. Each time I tell myself that I will rise above the wars, that I will ignore the intolerance, but then every now and then I see some of it slip in and it makes me wonder why. It's something that has driven me away from the soap world and it's something that perhaps has also driven away other viewers who would be readily involved in discussions and support of shows. My only comfort in these wars is that a great many of the actors and actresses will never be faced with seeing the ugliness inside of fan rivalries. To them it is a job and one they do exceedingly well at. It's not a tool for hatred or nastiness, but rather means of enjoying their craft and a paycheck. To them it is what it is, but to the soap fan, well it can mean a great many things. My only wish is that in figuring out what it means to fans that they remember it's something different to each person. We all have our own thoughts, opinions and views and the next time someone thinks that another view should be shut down, perhaps we should refrain and at least listen to the other side. In having insight we might be able to take something from a conversation that we might not have before. As long as our discussions don't get personal and hateful about real people behind the views, then we should be fine, but when we start slinging mud at each other and saying cruel, hurtful things perhaps it's a sign that we need to step back and reassess the kind of image we're giving the world around us about soap fans. Deep down we know that we're all better then that!
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